Please, Don't Ask To Sing "Me and Bobby McGee"

The scenario: A girl comes up to you while you are singing one of your most excellent original tunes, and says, "Can I sing a song?" After bringing to her attention (as if she couldn't tell) that you are currently in the middle of performing a song, she stands next to you and patiently awaits the song's end.

I know exactly what she's going to say.

"Do you know how to play Me and Bobby McGee? I know how to sing it."

My answer in my head is, "Yes, I know how to play it, and you are going to butcher it!"

What I actually say to her depends on my mood or whether the one local guy in the bar is passed out or not. If he's out cold, I'll give it a shot. But I know deep down, it's going to suck. And it always does. 

She steps to the mic and I start strumming. She looks at me nervously and awkward as if she were thinking, "I've never heard this version before!" Once I convince her that, "Yes, I am playing it in the right key," the hell begins. Some singers butcher it from the start, and for 4 minutes I'm up there thinking, "I'd rather be stabbing myself in the eyeballs out with unsoaked shiskabob skewers." A few women have made decent attempts at the song, but all that I've had on my stage have eventually failed because of the song's difficult ending. It goes something like, "Well I called you my lover, I called you my friend...." That part is extremely high even for a female's vocal range. And it sounds blisteringly awful when an intoxicated Janice Joplin wannabe screams it over my PA.

Ladies, please just pick another song (and Not Black Velvet by Alannah Myles). I'm more than positive there's some singers out there who can belt the hell out of "Me and Bobby McGee," but I've personally never come across one who could complete the ending without sounding like some 80's dude with a mullet doing a camaro tire burn-out on an unsuspecting cat (which I certainly don't condone. It's a joke, people).

And to be fair to the ladies, guys harass the band frequently as well. They don't want to sing. They want to play my guitar. Friends, NO ONE plays my Fender except Me, Myself, and I. The Fender is too expensive to put in the hands of a drunk. As for Bobby McGee, I wear earplugs, so I've never been afraid of permanent damage.

Story by: ListenersGeneration.com

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